Telling other people

Top five unhelpful replies from people when I announced our twin news

(And my private thoughts on hearing them)

1 You’re joking.
Er. No. Why would I make a whole baby up?! Michael McIntyre manages a whole stint at the O2 without cracking that one.
2 <insert expletive of choice here>
We are rather surprised and taken aback and terrified yes and thanks for the reassuring vote of confidence.
3 Was it IVF?
As it happens no it wasn’t. But really? Is it any of your business if it was?
4 You should put one on eBay!
Because an internet auction is┬áthe obvious solution to having an extra baby that you weren’t necessarily expecting.
5 You must make sure you sort your contraception out straight away.
And no, this wasn’t from a health professional but an acquaintance with whom I’m barely on first name terms. I nearly fell over – it seems that once your uterus is up for discussion so is everything else.